PEOPLE-PLEASERS ANONYMOUS (PPA)

Hello, my name is Ebony Price and I am a people-pleaser. (Hi, Ebony).

Okay, so after my last post on fear, I wanted to really get down to the bottom of what I've been so afraid of. Some people have a fear of success. I never felt that I was one of those people. I've always been so afraid of failing that I never really got the chance to worry about what might happen if I was successful.

So, I always figured I was afraid of failing. I mean, failing sucks, right? The big disappointment, figuring out where to go next, dwelling on why the failure happened in the first place. But, honestly, it was never the thought of failing that gave me that CRAZY FEAR. You know that fear that makes you feel like you have a giant weight sitting on your chest? Or that fear that makes your heart beat so fast that you feel like you can't breathe? I'm talking FEAR. The kind that keeps you up at night and greets you as soon as your eyes open in the morning. Gripping fear.

You know what I'm REALLY afraid of? It's not failing. Shoot, I can mess up the bridge to a song a million times when I'm alone on my keyboard in my living room. I'm not afraid of making a skirt and accidentally sewing the pockets shut. I'm not even afraid to play a new song on my guitar just a few minutes after finding the chords online. So, I'm not afraid of failing. Failing isn't the problem. It's people seeing me fail that makes my heart beat out of my chest.

It's like a giant light-bulb turned on this morning. I'm afraid of people not liking what I'm wearing. I'm afraid of people laughing at me and whispering under their breath about the bad note I hit on the bridge that ruined that song. I'm afraid of forgetting the next chord in the song and the dead silence that would follow. That's what makes my heart race. I'm afraid of other people.

When I think about it, it just seems silly. I mean, aren't we supposed to be individuals? And allowing people's opinions to run my life gives them waaaaay too much power over my life. Truly, what do they know about my life, where I've come from, and what God's purpose is in my life? Seriously. THEY DON'T KNOW ME! (yes, I say that in the sassiest black woman way I know how, with one finger in the air, a hand on my hip, and my neck was definitely rollin'). I realized today that I have allowed people's opinions to drive my decisions with my dreams and my career. Worst of all, these "people" have no idea how my life works into God's purpose. They have no idea why God put me on this earth. So, why am I letting their opinions guide my decisions? Oh uh uh, FEAR! Ya got to go! Now that I figured out what the problem is? Ya got to go! 'Cause last time I checked...

"THE LORD IS MY LIGHT AND MY SALVATION; WHOM SHALL I FEAR? THE LORD IS THE STRENGTH OF MY LIFE; OF WHOM SHALL I BE AFRAID?"

Here's to all the people-pleasers out there. It's time for some rehab. And I know the best Healer and Therapist in the business. To be continued...